I remember after we brought TLO home how so many people told me about how lucky I was to not have to got through labor or pregnancy (please don't ever say that to ANYONE!) and how nothing about what we'd gone through had felt easy or lucky. The only easy part was that our wait was short, but that didn't mean that our hearts were any less torn apart by the situation or that I didn't spend months thinking about a special woman so far away from me and how she must be feeling. But now we've spent the past few weeks requesting for our profile to be shown to various expectant mothers who are making their adoption plan. There is nothing easy about this process. I am heartbroken. My insides feel like they are being torn apart each time I read the story of an expectant mother. Finally Mark and I talked about it this week and said we are reading real life situations that most people in our circle of friends and family will never connect with. I told him that I wondered what it was like to be one of these women who have only had people say "yes" to them when they wanted sex or to sell them drugs or abuse them. What is it like to have your parents kick you out at 16 or for your parents to die of their drug addiction when you were a teenager? What is it like to have 4 kids by the time you're 20 and find yourself pregnant again and know no other life because it's the same thing your mom did? What is it like to be sexually abused by every male family member you knew and then to go on and continue to have men use you for sex instead of being truly loved? What is it like to have all of your kids taken away from you one by one by child protective services because you aren't able to take care of them because your parents couldn't take care of you? What is it like to...? What is it like?
I don't know what that's like. I don't know what any of those situations are like so it's not my place to judge them. I do know that it's my place to love them. I know that it's my place to be one more "yes" in their life by telling them we would love to be bound to you as family by adopting your child. We will pray for you and not abuse you. We will love you and not abuse you. We will love your child and provide a different life for them. We will break the cycle. We have said "yes" to several situations so far and have heard back "no". And that's ok. Because I know that God has a plan for us, for a special woman, for a special child and for our family.
Not every woman who makes an adoption plan for a child is in these circumstances, but they are each at a crucial point in their life. And the stories I read of these circumstances are the ones that make my "Yes!" even louder. The stories I read make the stress we feel from trying to make sure we have enough money saved to cover our adoption expenses seem ridiculous.
So I ask you today to pray for us as we wait for our "yes", but more importantly to pray for the women making the decision today to say "yes" to a life and trying to make the best decision they can for a child.
Lord, I come to You with a broken heart. A heart not broken by my own circumstances because I know You are using my circumstances to help others. My heart is broken by the stories of the lives I have been reading about. The stories of women trying to do the best thing they know to do for an unborn child. My heart hurts for the pain many of them have gone through in their lives and I long for them to be able to know peace and love and joy. Father, give them a peace that only You can. Allow them to know that they can be loved without abuse and find peace without a drug. Give them the wisdom they need to choose the parents and the life they want for their child.
And Lord, selfishly I ask that You bless us with another child for our family. We pray each day for the birthmother of TLO and would love to have another extended family member to pray for with our children. But more importantly, please give us the strength and patience to wait for our "yes". You blessed us more than we could have imagined by bringing TLO into our lives and we can't thank You enough! But I will say it again...thank You! Amen.
If YOU want to be the "yes" to one of these women through adoption, I can help you! Email me at lana@christianadoptionconsultants.com and I can help you start your journey!
