My First Mother's Day

April 10, 2012, adoption finalized!

I am 34 (*gulp!*) and this is my first Mother’s Day. It is one of those days that for the last 2 years I dreaded. I came to hate the second Sunday of May. Maybe we can leave town for the weekend. Maybe I could ignore my alarm and oversleep and we would miss Church services. Maybe I’ll wake up with a fever or throwing up. Maybe everyone else forget what today is. Maybe the sermon won’t focus on mothers and there won’t be the usual flowers given out to each mother. Maybe if there are flowers given out the kid giving them out won’t try to hand me one like they did last year.

Yes, those are the thoughts that go through the mind of a woman who is NOT a mother on Mother’s Day. Well, maybe not all women who aren’t, but at least those who so desperately want to be  typically think at least one of those thoughts. For a woman who is either trying to get pregnant or going through the journey of infertility it can be an unbearable day. I vividly remember in 2010 how we had just received news of infertility the week before and how it felt like salt being rubbed into a wound to just be around so many happy people that day.  Most people don't understand the feeling of NOT wanting to worship on Sundays with your church family, but there are days when that is the case.

On October 24, 2011 my identity changed. I became a MOTHER. I love that day, I love the phone call I got while at work, the panic as I tried to find a way to get to Arizona as fast as possible, I love the text message that will forever be saved saying "had the baby at 3:46pm. 5lbs, 6oz. Cute, CUTE baby!", and I love that first time I got to hold her!

Self-taken picture to send to Daddy telling him to "drive faster, your daughter wants to meet you!"

This year I am thankful to my sweet co-worker who switched days with me so I could be off work for my first Mother’s Day. This year I am so excited to be able to celebrate The Little One in our life and all the things God has done in my life. This year my eyes will probably "leak" a little while we're at church as I praise God for my blessing. But I want to be mindful of my sisters in pain who may read this and encourage you to be mindful as well. There are women grieving the loss of a child who will despise today, women who long to be pregnant who will resent those who are, women who have lost children this year, women who are waiting for their precious adoption match, women who had a failed adoption who are only reminded how empty their arms are, and women who have placed a child for adoption who remember the sacrifice they made and the loneliness they feel. I pray I will never forget those feelings I had during the dark times so I can encourage and offer my love to those who still hurt. I pray I will never forget the feeling of tears dripping down my cheeks as I sat in a church auditorium and looked at all the smiling mothers and wondered when it would be my turn. I pray I will be able to help ease the pain of those who still suffer.

Laura Story sings a song "Blessings" that made me pull my car to the side of the road the first time I heard it because it had me in tears. I can't express it any better than the chorus of her song and am so thankful for it's truth.

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near?’

Father, You have given me a great gift this year and I can never use words to express my gratitude. Help me to use my life and my action to show my gratitude instead. But more importantly, I need to fall on my knees as I praise You for the dark times You brought me through, for the fire of refinement my spirit had to go through. I thank You for those times, Lord and ask that you help me to  remember those experiences today and through the years and that I will be a testament to Your great power of healing and the miracles that only You can work in our lives. Amen.

Biology, Schmiology - Infertility and Adoption

May 2010. The world fell apart around me. All my plans, hopes and dreams - gone. Everything changed because of one word : INFERTILITY. Yes, we were told that our chances of conceiving a child were next to nothing. Specifically we were told we had 2 options to expand our family: in-vitro fertilization or adoption. Immediately, we said adoption. Surely that was what God was calling us to do. Surely God wouldn't allow us to go through the pain of hearing the "I" word without having a bigger plan for us. Right?????

The next year of our life was kind of crazy - we dealt with some personal issues, waited through the last 6 months of the 2 year minimum marriage requirement so many adoption agencies had and then gave in to our own selfish desires for the biology element of having a child and decided to try in-vitro fertilization. It was a difficult decision and let me just tell you that if you have never gone through such a process you can't imagine the toll it takes on your body and mind. I refer to the process as pure evil because I was pretty miserable and the end result for us was more heartbreak. And through it all we kept coming back to adoption. We said "God has a plan for us." We heard stories on the news about babies being abandoned. We talked to friends who adopted. We prayed. And then, we gave ourselves a summer break! (Yay for summer breaks!) Seriously, we took a vacation, actually we took 3 of them! :) 2 of them were for meetings for my husband but we got to enjoy some vacation time along with them. And once we were done with our travels we started the best journey ever! After doing a lot of research we found Christian Adoption Consultants, and specifically Tracie Loux who became our consultant and guided us through the journey. She helped us make our dreams come true so much faster than we ever imagined! Just to give you an idea of our whirlwind - August 18th we had our homestudy visit, September 20th our homestudy was officially approved, October 3rd we asked to have our profile shown to a birthmother and October 6th she chose us! 18 days later we had a beautiful baby girl in our arms!  Exactly 40 weeks (the length of a normal pregnancy) from the day I started medication to do in-vitro our beautiful birthmother gave birth to the baby would become a part of our family. God's plan is GOOD!

When I look at The Little One I don't see physical features of either one of us reflected back in her face but I see our love reflected through her smile, I see our joy reflected back in her eyes. And so I have to say "biology, schmiology." Adoption rocks!

April 22 to 28 is National Infertility Awareness Week. If you know someone who is struggling to conceive or know that couple that has been married for a long time and "when are they going to have kids?" please show a little love to them! RESOLVE is a national organization promoting awareness and support of infertility. If you want to know how to help or support someone through infertility, read here.  Saying things like "if you adopt you'll get pregnant" "just relax, you're trying to hard" " if you quit trying you'll get pregnant" "you can borrow my kids, they'll make you change your mind" and other such things just don't help, they hurt. We didn't adopt so we would end up pregnant, relaxing has nothing to do with the problem, and I certainly don't want your kids! (no offense!) :)  Perhaps the best thing you could say to someone is "I've been praying for you" or "I've been praying that God will open a door for your family." And remember that Mother's Day is just around the corner and is such a hard day for those struggling with infertility. So while you may be enjoying your family that day, remember to give a little extra hug and say an extra prayer for them.

And if you want more information about adoption (you don't have to have fertility problems to adopt!!!!!!!), please, please, PLEASE contact me! I love to tell the rest of our story!

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed for this, who knew what God would have in store for us!

Abba Father, thank You for adopting me and setting this example! Thank You for strengthening my faith and my marriage by putting us through the fire. Thank You for giving me a story to share and allowing me a voice to share it. And please Lord, wrap your arms around those who are struggling today. Let them feel Your touch and know Your presence. Let them know the hope and see the open doors and the beautiful gifts you can provide through the pain of infertility. Amen.