Looking Like Your Father

Has it really been a year since I blogged last?????? I've got some lost time to make up for! I have some adoption related posts in my head but there's a new theme coming as well...stay tuned!

One of the things many adoptees face as they get older is the fact they don't look like their parents or anyone else in their family. They may wonder why their teeth are a certain way or "where did this hair come from". And to be honest, sometimes as an adoptive mom I look at my child and want to see pieces of myself in them as well. I often get told TD (The Daughter) has my eyes...well, she has very dark brown eyes and so do I. But they look totally different. When get us down in the floor acting silly, those silly faces she's making - those are MY silly faces! She can scrunch her nose up like me, make a duck face like me and smile like me. Yes, those are the tangible ways I can see her in me.
Last month I heard a sermon about how we should look like our Father, how the world should see Christ in us. And I realized that those little things I look for in TD and TS (The Son) don't matter at all. They can have whatever nose they've been given, a natural mohawk full of curls (seriously, TS has this!) and the beautiful eyes they both have; but what I want others to say they see in them is the heart of my Father, the love of a God who sent his son to save the world, the sacrifice of a Christ who gave his own life. I want you to look at me and at my children and say "wow! You look just like your Father!" Is there really any better compliment?

Who or what do your children look like?

Photo credit: Allison Harms Photography

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them"

Genesis 1:27

Lord God, You created me in Your image, and my children too. You know us intimately - every birthmark, hangnail and scar. You made us perfectly imperfect. The beautiful children You have blessed me with take my breath away sometimes - the curls, the smiles, the twinkle in their eyes. I am amazed. You are awesome God. Please help me to reflect Your love and to mold my children into an even more beautiful reflection of You. Amen.

What A Difference A Month Makes!

I've had a lot of questions about our current adoption process so this seems like the easiest way to address them all. I've struggled with how much to share openly and decided that honesty is the best policy! There will always be parts of our children's stories that are private though.

Pumpkin Patch time!

4 weeks ago I was preparing for family to come visit us for our daughter's birthday. I was preparing to have a birthday party and mentally preparing myself to have a 2 year old. The birthday came and went with the party planned 2 days later. October 25th we got a phone call that will forever change our lives. We got a phone call about a tiny little boy sitting in a NICU alone in Florida. We had asked to be presented to this boy's birthmom when his due date was mid to late November, and then when we found out he was born on October 20th, almost 5 weeks early we still said "yes!" to being presented. It seemed to weird to know there was a child waiting for his family and we felt very strongly that this was our son. We even started making our "what if" plans for child care and travel. But the next day we found out another family was chosen. We grieved as we had before and moved on, still preparing for the birthday party. October 25th after enjoying an outing to the pumpkin patch with family I got THE call.
"The original family has decided they aren't able to continue and he still needs a family. Are you still interested?" Wow. We found out a little more information about this little guy, such as the fact that his birthmom had used illicit drugs during the pregnancy that hadn't previously been disclosed and he was going through withdrawals and he was considered to have "mild" microcephaly (small head size). We were told to expect him to be in the NICU for 4-5 weeks plus we would then have to wait out the state clearances. I did some quick research and we discussed it some more. Finally I went to my wonderful husband seeking answers. He told me the one sentence I needed to hear: "If we had been selected originally and then found out these things it wouldn't have changed our decision so why should it change it now?" See why I love him!? All we knew was this boy's birthmom had already terminated her rights and he was alone. So let the whirlwind begin!

2nd birthday!

We enjoyed the next day (Saturday) with family and celebrated The Little One's 2nd birthday while trying to let her know about her new baby brother. The next day we went to church where the only thing I remember was holding my baby girl tight with tears streaming down my face as we sang "10,000 reasons." I remember feeling like I had so many more reasons than 10,000 to be singing and yet I could not imagine being away from my sweet girl for 5 weeks. How could I do this? How could I sacrifice 5 weeks of the life of my 2 year old? It honestly seemed unimaginable. But our families and friends have come through to help make things good for her. And after worshiping with our church family my in-laws took me to the airport as they headed home. As they dropped me off and prayed for our journey my father-in-law simply said "the only way this can happen is from God!" And yes, that's so true. My God is the ultimate completer of my story!



Sometime around 10pm on October 27th I was able to meet and hold my son for the very first time and celebrate him turning 1 week old. Much of that night was a blur as I stayed in his room. One of the few

things I remember was that when I arrived they told me that was his worst day of withdrawal and his respiratory rate was 70-80 most of the day when normal is 30-60 for a newborn. But around 6am when that nurse was about to go off duty and remarked "his respiratory rate has been normal since you got here!" We are not meant to be alone. We are not meant to go through our struggles in life alone, especially when you start life so little! From that day on he started gaining weight and his withdrawal effects decreased. Even when the doctor told me the first time he talked to me that we would be there at least 4 weeks and maybe 5, I told him "you've got 3, that's all he's going to need."
I got to fly to meet our boy but my husband made the long trek in the car, just like he did when our daughter was born. He spent 18 hours driving and finally got to hold him on Oct 29th. But after 6 days he had to return home, back to work and back to our daughter. Over the next couple of weeks a couple of family members were able to come visit and love on our boy with me. And I was grateful for the love! We met other families who were also adopting babies and were also staying at the Ronald McDonald House and that was such a nice thing to have others to who understood what the journey was like.

I'll spare you all the day by day details, party because one day blurs into all the rest! But here we are 3 weeks from the day I first cried about leaving my daughter (henceforth to be know as "The Daughter"!) and the day I first met my son. He has been out of the hospital now for 3 days and is

doing great! When we were discharged he weighed just over 5 pounds, so we are hoping for a few ounces of gain tomorrow when we have a pediatrician appointment.
Tomorrow we will meet with The Son's birthmom one last time. For those of you who have never had an experience like that I can only tell you that there is no way to describe the emotions.  The day after that we are heading towards the state line, but can't actually leave the state until both the state of Florida and our home state approve us. And while a family member has offered us an awesome beach-front condo and I will thoroughly enjoy some time with my toes in the sand I pray that I won't have much time to get attached to it!

We don't know what the future holds for The Son (TS) but we know who holds our future! We know the difference that a life of love, attention, nurturing and good nutrition can make in the life of a child. And we pray that his life will be a testament over triumphing evil in life with good!

If you are reading this and considering adoption, please contact me at Lana@christianadoptionconsultants.com and let me help you begin your story! We have been blessed twice now through the services of Christian Adoption Consultants and I'm blessed to be able to work for them!

Lord, there are no words. There simply aren't. Everything is inadequate to describe our thankfulness, our blessings and our love. But we know that You have authored our story and look forward to the next several chapters. We ask You Lord to make our journey home a quick one so we can be united as one family. We ask You to give our son the healing he needs to completely conquer whatever medical issues may arise. And we ask You to give us the knowledge and understanding to be able to deal what whatever our future holds. Thank You!!!! Amen.

Just Be a "Yes!"

Many of you reading this may not know that we are in the process of adopting again. We have completed our homestudy and are praying and waiting to be matched with the baby God has planned for our family. For the record, The Little One (TLO - I'm going to have to change her blog name soon, huh?) wants a baby brother and his name will be "Two".  ☺

I remember after we brought TLO home how so many people told me about how lucky I was to not have to got through labor or pregnancy (please don't ever say that to ANYONE!) and how nothing about what we'd gone through had felt easy or lucky. The only easy part was that our wait was short, but that didn't mean that our hearts were any less torn apart by the situation or that I didn't spend months thinking about a special woman so far away from me and how she must be feeling. But now we've spent the past few weeks requesting for our profile to be shown to various expectant mothers who are making their adoption plan. There is nothing easy about this process. I am heartbroken. My insides feel like they are being torn apart each time I read the story of an expectant mother. Finally Mark and I talked about it this week and said we are reading real life situations that most people in our circle of friends and family will never connect with. I told him that I wondered what it was like to be one of these women who have only had people say "yes" to them when they wanted sex or to sell them drugs or abuse them. What is it like to have your parents kick you out at 16 or for your parents to die of their drug addiction when you were a teenager? What is it like to have 4 kids by the time you're 20 and find yourself pregnant again and know no other life because it's the same thing your mom did? What is it like to be sexually abused by every male family member you knew and then to go on and continue to have men use you for sex instead of being truly loved? What is it like to have all of your kids taken away from you one by one by child protective services because you aren't able to take care of them because your parents couldn't take care of you? What is it like to...? What is it like?

I don't know what that's like. I don't know what any of those situations are like so it's not my place to judge them. I do know that it's my place to love them. I know that it's my place to be one more "yes" in their life by telling them we would love to be bound to you as family by adopting your child. We will pray for you and not abuse you. We will love you and not abuse you. We will love your child and provide a different life for them. We will break the cycle. We have said "yes" to several situations so far and have heard back "no".  And that's ok. Because I know that God has a plan for us, for a special woman, for a special child and for our family. 

Not every woman who makes an adoption plan for a child is in these circumstances, but they are each at a crucial point in their life. And the stories I read of these circumstances are the ones that make my "Yes!" even louder. The stories I read make the stress we feel from trying to make sure we have enough money saved to cover our adoption expenses seem ridiculous.

So I ask you today to pray for us as we wait for our "yes", but more importantly to pray for the women making the decision today to say "yes" to a life and trying to make the best decision they can for a child. 

Lord, I come to You with a broken heart. A heart not broken by my own circumstances because I know  You are using my circumstances to help others. My heart is broken by the stories of the lives I have been reading about. The stories of women trying to do the best thing they know to do for an unborn child. My heart hurts for the pain many of them have gone through in their lives and I long for them to be able to know peace and love and joy. Father, give them a peace that only You can. Allow them to know that they can be loved without abuse and find peace without a drug. Give them the wisdom they need to choose the parents and the life they want for their child. 

And Lord, selfishly I ask that You bless us with another child for our family. We pray each day for the birthmother of TLO and would love to have another extended family member to pray for with our children. But more importantly, please give us the strength and patience to wait for our "yes". You blessed us more than we could have imagined by bringing TLO into our lives and we can't thank You enough! But I will say it again...thank You!  Amen.

If YOU want to be the "yes" to one of these women through adoption, I can help you! Email me at lana@christianadoptionconsultants.com and I can help you start your journey!