Looking Like Your Father

Has it really been a year since I blogged last?????? I've got some lost time to make up for! I have some adoption related posts in my head but there's a new theme coming as well...stay tuned!

One of the things many adoptees face as they get older is the fact they don't look like their parents or anyone else in their family. They may wonder why their teeth are a certain way or "where did this hair come from". And to be honest, sometimes as an adoptive mom I look at my child and want to see pieces of myself in them as well. I often get told TD (The Daughter) has my eyes...well, she has very dark brown eyes and so do I. But they look totally different. When get us down in the floor acting silly, those silly faces she's making - those are MY silly faces! She can scrunch her nose up like me, make a duck face like me and smile like me. Yes, those are the tangible ways I can see her in me.
Last month I heard a sermon about how we should look like our Father, how the world should see Christ in us. And I realized that those little things I look for in TD and TS (The Son) don't matter at all. They can have whatever nose they've been given, a natural mohawk full of curls (seriously, TS has this!) and the beautiful eyes they both have; but what I want others to say they see in them is the heart of my Father, the love of a God who sent his son to save the world, the sacrifice of a Christ who gave his own life. I want you to look at me and at my children and say "wow! You look just like your Father!" Is there really any better compliment?

Who or what do your children look like?

Photo credit: Allison Harms Photography

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them"

Genesis 1:27

Lord God, You created me in Your image, and my children too. You know us intimately - every birthmark, hangnail and scar. You made us perfectly imperfect. The beautiful children You have blessed me with take my breath away sometimes - the curls, the smiles, the twinkle in their eyes. I am amazed. You are awesome God. Please help me to reflect Your love and to mold my children into an even more beautiful reflection of You. Amen.

We fit, I Promise!

After reading this article Virginia Parents Outraged After Walmart Security Allegedly Suspected Father Of Kidnapping Biracial Daughters tonight I hate to confess that I have a fear of this happening. 99% of the time my daughter is just my daughter, but there is a small amount of time that I feel very vulnerable. Unfortunately, as my daughter approaches the terrible two's and starts throwing tantrums and yelling things inappropriately I'm afraid that amount of time may be increasing. Just this evening we were at WalMart walking through the clothing section. The Little One (TLO) wants to reach out and touch every piece of clothing, as most kids do. I've been repeating to her "don't touch" and now she says that when she knows she's not supposed to touch something (but usually touches it anyway!) So tonight as we're going through the store with TLO sitting in the cart I had told her "don't touch" and she started saying it over and over and over. As she repeated it she got louder and Louder and LOUDER!!!! Eventually she was slinging her arms and head back and forth yelling "DON'T TOUCH! DON'T TOUCH!" As I distracted her by quickly handing her a snack-trap filled with Cheese-Its I glanced around and noticed at least 5 different people looking at us. Don't get me wrong, if I heard a child yelling that I would be checking out what was going on too! But what if someone mistook the situation? Or what if it was my husband that this happened to?  Or then there's this situation White Grandfather Detained While Walking With Black Granddaughter: Scott Henson Cuffed By Texas Police  that makes me a little scared too. At this point, I have to admit that when we get attention when we're out and about I know that it's just because TLO draws people in. She will look at you, smile at you or tell you "hi!" until you pay attention to her. But there is the terribly self-conscious part of me that has always tried to avoid excess attention that feeds into fears of the situations mentioned about.

If you have a family like ours, how do you face these fears? Is this a ridiculous fear?  If your family isn't like ours, if you saw a family of mixed races what would your first instinct be?  Regardless of what your family is like, what do you do when your kids scream inappropriate things at the top of their lungs in WalMart???????? :)

Thank You Lord for getting me out of my comfort zone. Thank You for blessing me with a child who keeps me on my toes. Thank You for giving her the ability to verbalize her actions and needs, no matter how inappropriate they might be! Please help me to remember to nurture those actions and not stifle them. Amen.

Accepted

The Little One (TLO) and I recently spent a few days with my parents in Missouri and on the way back home we stopped at the mall. We stopped at the mall to return a dress and eat lunch at the food court. So we got our food at Chick-Fil-A and sat down at a table. As we usually do, we had some serious conversation while we ate...in the form of "I see you" through the clear lid of the fruit cup! :) When we almost done I saw someone walking towards us from Burger King.

My princess!!!!!

A sweet young lady handed TLO a Burger King crown and said she was so cute she should have a tiara! We both smiled at it and said "thank you" and I noticed her hesitating. Then she quietly said she was on a short break and could she sit and talk to me for a minute. It felt a little awkward but I could see she really needed to talk so I said "sure!" The relief on her face was immediate as she pulled a chair over to our table. She asked if TLO was adopted and I said "yes". "I thought so," she said. And then, I listened. I listened as she told me her story of being raised in, and eventually aging out, of the foster care system. I listened as she told me how she found herself moved from one family to the next, sometimes with as many as 6 families a year. I listened as she described the feelings of loneliness and wanting to belong to a family. I listened as she told me that every single foster family she had been placed with through the years was white (and she was black). I listened as she confessed to me that she grew up never feeling accepted because she was the wrong color to be in each of these families and just longing to fully be accepted. I listened to her story of heart break. I listened...and my own heart broke for her. And then I listened as she told me her story of redemption. She started going to college and had a professor who became a mentor, invited her to church, and helped her get on her feet. She is now working part-time and going to school full-time and has plans for her future. She shared with me that she has finally found a family that accepts her regardless of her color - her church. Yes! God is good!

That precious young lady gave me a lot to think about on my 3 hour drive home that day. I thought about the fact that I had just spent 5 days with my parents and what it would be like to not have a family to visit. I thought about the fact that not a single person in our entire family has ever questioned the fact that TLO would not be fully accepted into the family even though she is black. I thought and I cried while I drove. I cried from heartbreak over the story I had just heard and then I cried because she was a survivor! I cried because Satan tried to keep her down and make her feel alone and unwanted but God won out and let her know she is His child and she has a father so much bigger and better than any one she could have ever had here on Earth. 

No one deserves to feel unaccepted in this world. No one deserves to be alone in this world. With God, you don't have to be alone. 

I don't have any big insights today, just wanted to share.  Red and yellow, black and white...they are precious in His sight! 

Thank You Lord for accepting me just as I am!  Thank You for accepting me even though I'm overweight, short, have a big mole on my nose, scars on my body and look ridiculous when I run. Thank you for the blessing of a family - both my physical one and my church one. Thank You for planting people in our lives to help me when I've needed it and for the people you placed in the life of this young lady to offer redemption! Amen.