Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Biology, Schmiology - Infertility and Adoption

May 2010. The world fell apart around me. All my plans, hopes and dreams - gone. Everything changed because of one word : INFERTILITY. Yes, we were told that our chances of conceiving a child were next to nothing. Specifically we were told we had 2 options to expand our family: in-vitro fertilization or adoption. Immediately, we said adoption. Surely that was what God was calling us to do. Surely God wouldn't allow us to go through the pain of hearing the "I" word without having a bigger plan for us. Right?????

The next year of our life was kind of crazy - we dealt with some personal issues, waited through the last 6 months of the 2 year minimum marriage requirement so many adoption agencies had and then gave in to our own selfish desires for the biology element of having a child and decided to try in-vitro fertilization. It was a difficult decision and let me just tell you that if you have never gone through such a process you can't imagine the toll it takes on your body and mind. I refer to the process as pure evil because I was pretty miserable and the end result for us was more heartbreak. And through it all we kept coming back to adoption. We said "God has a plan for us." We heard stories on the news about babies being abandoned. We talked to friends who adopted. We prayed. And then, we gave ourselves a summer break! (Yay for summer breaks!) Seriously, we took a vacation, actually we took 3 of them! :) 2 of them were for meetings for my husband but we got to enjoy some vacation time along with them. And once we were done with our travels we started the best journey ever! After doing a lot of research we found Christian Adoption Consultants, and specifically Tracie Loux who became our consultant and guided us through the journey. She helped us make our dreams come true so much faster than we ever imagined! Just to give you an idea of our whirlwind - August 18th we had our homestudy visit, September 20th our homestudy was officially approved, October 3rd we asked to have our profile shown to a birthmother and October 6th she chose us! 18 days later we had a beautiful baby girl in our arms!  Exactly 40 weeks (the length of a normal pregnancy) from the day I started medication to do in-vitro our beautiful birthmother gave birth to the baby would become a part of our family. God's plan is GOOD!

When I look at The Little One I don't see physical features of either one of us reflected back in her face but I see our love reflected through her smile, I see our joy reflected back in her eyes. And so I have to say "biology, schmiology." Adoption rocks!

April 22 to 28 is National Infertility Awareness Week. If you know someone who is struggling to conceive or know that couple that has been married for a long time and "when are they going to have kids?" please show a little love to them! RESOLVE is a national organization promoting awareness and support of infertility. If you want to know how to help or support someone through infertility, read here.  Saying things like "if you adopt you'll get pregnant" "just relax, you're trying to hard" " if you quit trying you'll get pregnant" "you can borrow my kids, they'll make you change your mind" and other such things just don't help, they hurt. We didn't adopt so we would end up pregnant, relaxing has nothing to do with the problem, and I certainly don't want your kids! (no offense!) :)  Perhaps the best thing you could say to someone is "I've been praying for you" or "I've been praying that God will open a door for your family." And remember that Mother's Day is just around the corner and is such a hard day for those struggling with infertility. So while you may be enjoying your family that day, remember to give a little extra hug and say an extra prayer for them.

And if you want more information about adoption (you don't have to have fertility problems to adopt!!!!!!!), please, please, PLEASE contact me! I love to tell the rest of our story!

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed for this, who knew what God would have in store for us!

Abba Father, thank You for adopting me and setting this example! Thank You for strengthening my faith and my marriage by putting us through the fire. Thank You for giving me a story to share and allowing me a voice to share it. And please Lord, wrap your arms around those who are struggling today. Let them feel Your touch and know Your presence. Let them know the hope and see the open doors and the beautiful gifts you can provide through the pain of infertility. Amen.


  1. Lana, what a wonderful story. God has truly blessed you. He has given you a beautiful baby. I do understand some of the pain you go thru when month after month there is no baby. It took us almost 5 years before we had LeAnn and another 10 for Shawna. But in spite of the wait, the Lord truly blessed Charles and I.

  2. As a child who was adopted, I can tell you that your "Little One" will be tied to your heart no matter if you bore her or not. My mother told me I was more special because she choose me. So very happy for you and your blessings.

  3. I'm sharing this on my facebook! I am amazed at the Lord and his work every time I think of Hannah! God taught me about prayer through her too!

  4. It breaks my heart when people go through rounds and rounds of IVF, to no avail. Or when people just can't see adoption as a choice at all. We adopted our son from Russia, not because of the big I, just cause those orphanage babies need mommies too. Most everyone we talked to about our adoption was ├╝ber excited. One family said "wow, I can't imagine that, how could you love him like your own?" Huh? He is mine and I'm capable of love.
    I shake my fist at biology as well.